Know your Audience Before you Write Your Book or Web Site

If you want happy customers to use your service or buy your book, you need to focus on their needs and desires.

Unhappy customers leave when they can't find what they want--benefits and an easy way to buy. Perhaps your site has barriers you don't realize. If anything is difficult, customers will leave and give their business to someone else. Know your audience and write headlines that Wow them.

Know your Audience Before you Write your Book or Web Site Copy

Before you list those benefits--you must know your particular audience. Who will buy your book? What are their biggest fears--their worries? What problem do they have that you can solve?

Know their Assumptions about You and Your Product. What is their number one life's dream? What are their assumptions about your subject or service? What are their excuses for not acting on what they want? Do they think your product is too much money? They don't trust you yet? Do they think there is no hurry? Do they think they don't have the time to implement your skills?

Which of These 5 Audiences Suits your Book, Programs, or Web Site?

1. The Audience you Meet in the Mirror

Authors write books because we love the ideas, the content, the skills we will share. We usually write the book for ourselves first. Have you heard, "I wrote the book I wanted to read?" Our passion for our topic can create success so long as we stay with a marketing and promotion plan for 2 plus years. Our audience in our seminars are like us. Web site too.

2. The Target Market Who Wants Answers Now.

No, not everyone will want your book, although many authors say so. Your target audience has a common need or problem. Your product or service will solve that problem. For instance, www.stopyourdivorce.com's book already has an audience who wants a solution now. They are desperate at this point, and will do anything. They will pay any price for your magic pill and will buy on the spot.

In just 2 years this site sold 150,000 books. The author answered the rejected spouses' dilemma compelling them to buy now.

Divorce often comes as a surprise, so without much time to negotiate, and because of great pain and discomfort, this audience wants a cure right now. It's only after the doctor announces a prostate serious problem that most men look for an answer. Prevention didn't appeal to them. Only the doctor's wake up call prompted action.

The more narrow the target, the particular angle your book or web site takes, the easier it is to sell

3. The Short-Cut Time and Money Investment for a Big Payoff.

This audience wants a roadmap to where he or she wants to go--fast! This audience wants to know how to do something-- to write a book, to make money Online, to promote their business Online, to put up a top-selling Web site. They also are looking for the least expensive way to accomplish their goals. No more money down the drain for them.

For instance, print and ebooks that show entrepreneurs a short cut to finish their books, and get them sold fast, so their cash flow builds big enough to multiply profits fast is the right audience for books about publishing, business or book promotion.

Once the book is near completion, how can authors make continuing sales that make up one-half of their income? Still relatively unused, the Internet provides this answer because of so little competition there.

4. The Massive Passionate Audience.

These are the readers of the Chicken Soup series. Think about the 70 million plus sold so far, and the authors didn't even have to write the book. Full of inspirational short stores, this audience responded well. The authors did, however, put on a full-blown marketing campaign for years.

Your book will have a lot of competition in this category, yet the sheer volume of sales like the 70 million who shop Wal-Mart every day can make up for that. One client wrote a how-to book aimed at the now 70 million baby boomers out there called "Put Old on Hold." She's an inspiration herself--looks and feels like 50.

Think about your book. Is one aim to entertain and inspire? Who do you want to visit your web site? If you know your audience and what they want, you will sell more than you imagined.

5. The Online Audience of Millions

If you are like me, you love your book(s) and want others to benefit from reading it. But, if you are discouraged at the number of sales through traditional methods, you may want to consider the Internet.

First, when you write for Online, you can offer your print book electronically, now known as an eBook. You need make only a few changes such as shortening up your chapter, paragraph and sentence length. Busy people who shop Online want their information concise, clear, and cohesive. They don't need long stories to learn a point.

This audience is more than happy to download and print out chapters of your book. They will appreciate your book in 81/2 by 11" form or other, and think total page length up to 99 acceptable. The savvy author can make many more sales by dividing and conquering. A 15-page chapter can become a short eBook. You also have a built in promotion machine in your book, because you excerpt short pieces to submit to Online ezines and Web sites as this article excerpt from the eBook.

E advantages include no telling or selling in person, no travel, more convenience such as instant delivery and reaching greater numbers of your target audience. The author keeps all the profits, and doesn't have to package and mail. His faster sales bring him marketing and promotion money--where most authors don't usually succeed. He can invest in books, seminars, coaching, or teleclasses to bring him up to speed.

Every day you can reach 1000's, even hundreds of thousands, using simple online promotion techniques. Here you can sell your book through subtle forms such as the free article or ezine. The varied online audiences including personal growth and business want free information. Your book sales will multiply fast because in every email you send out, you include your signature file that leads people to where you sell your book.

Even the newbie or non-techie like myself can benefit from writing for the online audience.

Use these "know your audience" tips and examples to write compelling copy that will guarantee your writing adventure a true success. Your audience awaits!

Judy Cullins ?2004 All Rights Reserved.

Judy Cullins, 20-year Book and Internet Marketing Coach works with small business people who want to make a difference in people's lives, build their credibility and clients, and make a consistent life-long income. Author of 10 eBooks including "Write your eBook Fast," "How to Market your Business on the Internet," and "Create your Web Site With Marketing Pizzazz," she offers free help through her 2 monthly ezines, "The Book Coach Says..." and "Business Tip of the Month" at http://www.bookcoaching.com/opt-in.shtml and over 155 free articles. Email her at mailto:Judy@bookcoaching.com.

7 Keys to Running a Successful Business

Although dentistry may appear to be different than other types of businesses, in reality it is a business. And although this article is written from a dentist's perspective on developing a successful practice, the principles can be used in virtually any business.

I have been in the dental industry for over 20 years and can proudly say I do have a highly successful business, also known as a practice. Over the years, I have learned many things that work in running a business and even more that do not. It is with this in mind that I share the following 7 keys to running a successful business. Regardless of your industry they can apply.

1. Have a vision

One of the most important aspects of running any business is to have a clear vision of what you want that business to be like. What do you want to be known for in the marketplace? What kind of clients do you desire? What level of service do you want to provide? Do you want to be "one among many" or do you want to be considered a leader in your industry?

By answering these and many other similar type questions, you will gain insight into the direction you can, and should, take your business.

2. Develop a plan that ties into the vision

Once you gain clarity on your vision, you must be willing to develop a plan. Far too often people have an idea of where they want their organization to be, but they fail to put together a usable plan. Take time to map out what needs to be done to achieve your outcomes.

3. Know your market

One of the most important aspects of running any type of business is to know whom your market is. You can't be all things to all people. Contrary to what some would like to believe, not everyone is his or her market. There is a very astute saying in marketing, "If everyone is your market, then no one is your market."

The clearer you are on who you are targeting the easier it will be to focus your efforts on reaching those individuals and/or companies.

4. Gain visibility within your market

Take a very focused approach to reaching your market. Just because you have determined who your market it, doesn't mean you are done. You must now be willing to have a very focused approach to targeting your market. Whether that be through direct mail, advertising, newsletters, informational seminars or any number of methods, you have to be willing to keep your name in front of your market.

5. Get your team on board

This is probably one of the most crucial and yet, often most overlooked aspects of running a business. You have to make sure your team knows what is going on. Holding regular staff meetings as a means to keep people informed is a great way to gain the buy in of your team. Additionally, be open to ideas that may come from your team members.

It will be very difficult to achieve your long-term goals if your team members either don't understand your vision or haven't bought into it. When you hire people, make sure they understand what you are trying to achieve. Whether you are dealing with new members of the team or seasoned folks, everyone must be willing to be a part of the plan. When they are, you will have a much greater chance for success.

6. Be consistent

Running and marketing a business is an ongoing process. The greatest mistake people make in virtually any industry is they try something once and expect instant results. You must be in this for the long haul. Sure, with some of your marketing strategies you will get instant, or direct, response. However, with most approaches, it is more like the tortoise and the heir. In the short-term it looks like the heir is in the lead, but the reality is he is burning himself out and ends up losing to the tortoise who had a consistent and long-term vision.

7. Realize ? you change lives

One of the things I most love about dentistry is I know I change lives. I recognize this beyond a shadow of a doubt. When my patients are able to obtain the smile they once only dreamed of because of what I did for them, I know I am doing my life's work.

With most people, regardless of the industry you are in, in some way you do change lives. If you know that, your job is very rewarding.

Think about the end user of your product or service. What is it about what you provide that makes a difference for them? If you don't know, ask your customers. You may be pleasantly surprised. It is in the answers you can become clearer and clearer as to your vision and the benefits you bring to others through the services you provide.

Copyright: ? 2004 by Dr. Scott Kiser

Publishing Guidelines: You may publish my article in your newsletter, on your web site, or in your print publication provided you include the resource box at the end. Notification would be appreciated but is not required.

About The Author

Dr. Scott Kiser has been practicing general dentistry in Salt Lake City, Utah for over 20 years. Dr. Kiser has used only mercury-free substances in his treatments since the mid 90's and concentrates his practice in the areas of sedation dentistry and complete smile makeovers. Consumer Research Council of America selected him as Utah's Top Cosmetic Dentist of 2003 - 04. Visit www.greatsmilesutah.com to sign up for a FREE monthly online newsletter or for more information on Dr. Kiser and all of his services.

Skiserdds@aol.com

Microsoft Great Plains Integration Manager: Using Continuum ? Overview for Developer

Microsoft Business Solutions Great Plains has I'd say end user integration tool ? Great Plains Integration manager. Integration Manager itself uses OLE functionality to validate text or ODBC integration files data through Great Plains forms behind the scenes. This sounds very promising and powerful ? however the realities place the restrictions. We heard a lot of complains about Integration Manager slowness and inability to integrate data to multiple companies automatically ? without operator intervention. This is probably true if you do not have IM expertise in your company. However there are Microsoft Great Plains maestros who could make magic things happen

? Great Plains Macros. Continuum could deploy Great Plains Dynamics macros, recorded to switch companies. This fact is almost unknown and the reason is ? you can not have these macros to be replayed in the Great Plains itself

? Integration Manager Before Integration Script. This script is often used by third party software vendors to run their data manipulation routines. The challenge for integration automation is to automate modal dialog login screens, originated from third party applications

? Customization Site License. In order to enable custom integration you need to have this license ? which costs $750 for Great Plains Standard. Please be sure that you do not have to have Modifier with VBA if you outsource the development.

? Drawbacks ? unfortunately nowadays practice of service packs has the drawback if you plan to deploy Continuum- each service pack has a tendency to modify fields names in the code and this is where Continuum gives up ? because it uses object calls

? Outdated Technology? Well ? maybe. But you have to have work done. Continuum does the job

? SQL Cursor approach. The other way would be using SQL cursors with either eConnect or MS SQL Stored procedures calls. This will certainly allow you to switch companies, but this requires programming.

Good luck with implementation, customization and integration and if you have issues or concerns ? we are here to help! If you want us to do the job - give us a call 1-630-961-5918 or 1-866-528-0577! help@albaspectrum.com

Andrew is a Great Plains specialist in Alba Spectrum Technologies ( http://www.albaspectrum.com ) ? USA nationwide Great Plains, Microsoft CRM customization company, serving clients in Chicago, Houston, Atlanta, Phoenix, New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Diego, Miami, New Orleans, Toronto, Montreal and having locations in multiple states and internationally

A Fracas in the Franchise - Keep Your Customers by Keeping Your Workers

As a previous owner of a Franchise I know the importance of maintaining employee commitment, loyalty and enthusiasm in maximising customer satisfaction, generating positive customer perception and protecting your investment.

Repeat business is the life-blood of any business worth its salt. Coupled with a structured approach to increasing market share, looking at the 'window of opportunity' and delivering services with excellence and cultivating positive customer perceptions would appear to be a recipe for success.

Have you ever stood at the front counter of a business and overheard employee dialogue or noticed that some employees appear to convey displeasure with their jobs?

As a person, and practitioner, interested in people it has often been my observation that many Franchisees need to wake up and realise that people management is not that complicated or as difficult as they may have thought. There are a few simple things that can be done to build an environment of high trust amongst employees.

However, it appears that not all franchise owners practise what they preach. Many espouse that 'we treat our employees as valuable assets of the business'. This has always been a great source of amusement to me (because experience has often demonstrated otherwise).

Some people engage subtlety in intimidating staff, constantly making nit picking comments, refusing to lead by example and reducing staff numbers to the point where the bear minimum of staff are left to serve in the business. This begins to seriously effect employee moral, customers are disenfranchised and owners wonder why profits are down.

Take this true, real life example which I was actively involved in some months ago (names and details changed to ensure privacy).

Aunty Marges was a Brisbane Franchise that appeared on the scene several years ago. Aunty Marges specialised in quality cookies, cake and coffee. A husband and wife bought two of these Franchises.

The new owner's employed 4 staff in one particular location. Staff was rostered on at different times throughout the day with one of the owners helping for part of the day. The roster started at 7.30am and normally finished at 6.00pm

It was a busy business located in a popular shopping centre, was a pressurised environment. The owners had over-extended their borrowing capacity.

Janelle, a teenager had been employed along with the other 3 employees to work in the business.

Janelle was known to be a hard worker who went out of her way to up-sell, interacted well with customers and took her job seriously. Despite being in her last year of college she took her responsibilities seriously.

One morning the owners called a staff meeting where they admitted that they were over-committed and requested that employees put in an extra effort. When staff left they were not replaced.

The friendliness soon began to disappear and the owners began to leave critical notes scolding employees and placing more demands on them. As a result staff began resigning.

One night as our family was over at Janelle's place the telephone rang. It was for Janelle. The business owner (the wife) rang up and was obviously berating the teenager on the telephone.

Janelle went to her room sobbing and came back some time later to tell her parents and our family what had occurred.

Over the next four months this became a consistent occurrence. Finally Janelle had enough and I was asked to speak with the owners, which I did.

Why is it that some people seem to have a moribund fascination in causing other people pain and afflicting them with a life a drudgery and frustration. Our teenagers need positive role models instead of having roadblocks placed in their paths.

Why is it that we consistently hear about businesses that seem to pay lip service to 'our employees are our most valuable assets' behave abominably and wonder why the books are down?

What is Workplace Harassment?

Under the Workplace Health and Safety Act 1995 employers have an obligation to ensure the health and safety of all workers by managing risks at the workplace.

1. A person is subjected to "workplace harassment" if the person is subjected to repeated behaviour, by a person, including the person's employer or a co-worker or group of co-workers of the person that-

(a) is unwelcome and unsolicited; and.

(b) the person considers to be offensive, intimidating, humiliating or threatening; and

(c) a reasonable person would consider to be offensive, humiliating, intimidating or threatening.

A recent draft statement released by the Queensland Government includes some examples of behaviour, where repeated or occurring as part of a pattern of behaviour, may be considered workplace harassment includes the following.

Abusing the person/s loudly, usually when others are present;

Repeated threats of dismissal or other severe punishment for no reason;

Constant ridicule and being put down;

Leaving offensive messages on email or the telephone;

Sabotaging the person's work for example by deliberately withholding or supplying incorrect information; hiding documents or equipment; not passing on messages; and in other ways, getting the worker into trouble;

Maliciously excluding and isolating the person/s from workplace activities; Persistent and unjustified criticisms, usually of the nit-picking variety;

Humiliating the person/s through sarcasm, criticism and insults, often in front of customers, management or other workers;

Spreading gossip or false, malicious rumours about the person/s with an intent to cause them harm;

Singling out and treating person/s differently from others, without good reason

Effects of Workplace Harassment on the Employees and the Business

Workplace harassment has detrimental effects on workers and the workplace.

Workers who are harassed can become:

distressed, anxious, withdrawn and depressed

physically ill, sleep deprived

aggressive, vengeful

less self-confident and develop low self-esteem.

Workplace harassment may result in:

loss of trained and talented workers;

loss of profits;

reduced productivity and morale;

an unsafe working environment; and

legal costs for a workplace.

Employer Costs ? (off your bottom-line)

Employers who engage in these behaviours may face stiff penalties and the full weight of the law.

? Costs to the employer include high staff turnover, which inturn places added pressure on owners to spend longer hours in the business.

? Low morale which decreases productivity

? Workplace investigations by the OH&S people

? Higher workers compensation premiums where the claim has been proven

? Legal penalties and damages awards in some circumstances

? Mediation Fees

? Becoming known as a 'bad' employer

? Indirect costs (often significant) added to the bottom line.

? Incurring the displeasure of the master franchise holder.

It has been my experience that on average an employer will be out of pocket through direct and indirect means by $25,000 for one incidence.

Prevention

You can effectively manage workplace harassment by adopting some of the following procedures

Recognise your strengths and weaknesses and educate yourself and your employees.

Make a commitment to treat staff with respect. You have a vested interest in doing this.

Introduce a workplace specific harassment policy for all levels of management and staff.

Arrange for an in-house seminar on workplace harassment and have employees sign to say they will comply with the policy.

Deal with all complaints immediately, confidentially and thoroughly.

The place where Janelle previously was employed continues to be an unhappy place, the owners are stressed and the master franchise holder is unhappy with the owners.

Do not ignore workplace harassment and think you will get away with it. You can find other helpful articles at www.biz-momentum.com

Philip Lye is the founder of Biz Momentum providing strategic human resource management to help you grow your business. He is an expert in workplace team building and prevention of workplace conflict. Drop by today and find helpful information at http://www.biz-momentum.com. Send us your question for an answer from us.

Life Energy

There is a growing appreciation of the impact of psychic factors on the causation and exacerbation of many physical illnesses. For instance such problems as irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis and even cancer have been felt to have such psychically based links.

In recent anecdotal research case studies using a new process called the Mind Resonance Process(TM)(MRP), I have been finding that more illnesses than we think may have psychic underpinnings. MRP is a tool that helps uncover and release destructive emotions, beliefs, perceptions and memories from one's energy field. In doing so it is able to completely clear the offending element.

What is more remarkable is the cascade effect that appears to occur from the energy field to the physical field. For instance, recently I worked with a client who had macular degeneration in one eye. When I asked the client why he thought he had this problem, much to my surprize, he said that given the state of the world he was saddened by what he saw and preferred not to know what was transpiring. As we uncovered his underlying fears it became apparent that he had a fear of feeling his sadness.

With MRP I was able to help him clear this fear entirely from his energy field and subsequently he noticed a subjective improvement in his vision in the affected eye. As we pursued other underlying emotional issues related to his impaired vision i.e. past traumas, several negative beliefs and fears, he noticed that his vision continued to improve.

The nature of his initial visual defect was such that the center of his vision in the affected eye was obliterated. As I worked with him over a period of 2 months, once per week, he ultimately began to notice that his centrally localized defect was slowly shrinking. So much so that on one particular day towards the end of the two month mark he was surprized to have a had a full day of near perfect vision in the previously affected eye.

I am currently attempting to repeat such case studies with hard documented measurements of changes in visual field defects and I am looking for suitable volunteers for this study.

Needless to say these findings have confirmed my suspicions of the degree to which the human bio-field can become distorted by a wealth of accumulated negative psychic experiences from one's life history. Such experiences, which at one level are experienced as negative thoughts, feelings, perceptions and memories, at another can be conceptualized as having corresponding frequency signatures that create local or diffuse frequency disturbances in what I consider the pristine morphogenetic frequency blueprint that is the natural healthy human bio-field.

This pristine bio-field is one in which there are no frequency disruptions and which therefore represents a field which corresponds to perfect mental, emotional, physical and even spiritual health. In other articles I have given this pristine field the name the Divine Holographic Energy Field ( i.e. in an article with the same name).

Nick Arrizza M.D. is an Energy Psychiatrist,Healer, Researcher, Speaker, Developer of the Mind Resonance Process(TM), and Author of "Esteem for the Self; A Manual for Personal Transformation" (avaialble as an e-book at: http://www.telecoaching4u.com/ebook.htm. He holds international telecoaching and teleconference sessions on healing mind, body and spirit with MRP. His Web Site is at: http://www.telecoaching4u.com

10 Common Roadblocks to Getting Organized

1. All or nothing thinking/taking on too much.

" I'm going to take a few days off from work and finally get this house/office together!" Doesn't sound very realistic, does it? What usually happens?

2. Not having a plan.

Fail to plan, plan to fail. Be specific about what you're going to tackle. How long it will take and what tools or materials will you need in order to do the job?

3. Not writing it down.

It's too difficult to keep it all in our heads. Once you decide on the task or project, break it down into small steps. On paper.

4. Not scheduling time to do it.

Thinking you can do this anytime, really means NO time. If you can't take the time to schedule it, in your calendar, how will you take the time to get it done?

5. Not scheduling appropriately.

Don't schedule your project at night if you're a morning person. Don't expect to have quiet time when the kids are off from school. Don't try to do the big, focused job on the day you're having workmen in the house. Don't overbook!

6. Not prioritizing.

Do the bigger, time sensitive tasks first. Getting caught up in the little things can cause the time get away from you.

7. Not making places for things.

Take the time to create a logical place for something to live. If there's no room it, some decisions need to be made around clearing some space.

8. Not putting things away.

Prevent piles. File away those papers, books, clean laundry, in a timely manner.

9. Not completing tasks.

Are you one of those people who have dozens of projects lying around, in various stages of completion? Ask yourself what's in the way? Address what's preventing you from finishing the project.

10.Thinking you can do it alone.

It's not easy to make changes. Honor your feelings when clearing out old family possessions or mementos. Make a phone call and tell someone you're going to finally get to that thing you've been procrastinating about. Or hire a professional organizer so you don't have to do it alone.

Andrea Feldman is a Professional Organizer, Time Management Consultant, Motivational Speaker and Trainer. She helps businesses and individuals increase productivity by setting priorities, creating more efficient use of space and changing habits that drain time and energy.

Andrea is a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers and holds a Specialist Certificate in working with the chronically disorganized from the National Study Group for Chronic Disorganization. As a public speaker, Andrea addresses business and community groups on topics including time management, controlling clutter, how to balance work and personal life.

Andrea is a past president of Last Word Toastmasters Club in Pittsfield, MA. She is on the steering committee of Berkshire Entrepreneurs Network, and President of Southern Berkshires Business Network International.

Andrea offers a free phone consultation and can be reached at 413-655-7766. Her website is http://www.GetOrganizedwithAndrea.com

How to Recognize and Cope with an Emotional Affair

Did you know that an emotional affair can be just as dangerous to a marriage as a physical affair, and sometimes more so? And that spouses who never had any intention of cheating can unwittingly become enmeshed in an emotional affair?

Many spouses will shrug off questions about an emotional affair with the reply that "It's harmless" or "We're just friends." They fail to see the damage that the emotional closeness with someone outside of the marriage is doing to the primary relationship.

Individuals who are the most vulnerable to becoming involved in an emotional affair are those in a marriage where emotional intimacy is lacking. Their marriage may be going through a period of hostility, emotional distance, and conflict. The "friends" are sucked into the emotional affair by the seductive lure and pull of an intense emotional connection to each other that feels easy, safe, and comforting.

Under the surface there's a strong sexual chemistry that's covered up by the "friendship." And, of course, there's the excitement that's heightened by the secrecy that surrounds the new-found intimacy. Even though the "friendship" may begin innocently enough, as it progresses the bond between the two individuals deepens and drains energy away from the marital relationship.

The two individuals involved in the emotional affair may have been casual friends or co-workers to start with. Or they may have met online in a chat room. At some point, they started confiding feelings and personal details about themselves, their partners, and their relationships that their spouses would have seen as a violation of trust. And that was the first danger signal that indicated trouble ahead.

The second danger indicator was when they started sharing more with the "friend" than with their spouse and depending on the "friend" for their primary emotional support. At some point, they began to feel that the "friend" understood them better than their own spouse did and was easier to communicate with. They felt a sense of companionship with the "friend" that was lacking with their spouse.

The third red flag indicating danger ahead was when they began keeping their conversations and the frequency of contact secret from their spouses. This is a definite danger sign. Both individuals knew that their spouses would be upset if they knew the extent of the contact, the depth of the emotional connection, and the intimate subjects being routinely discussed.

Finding out that your spouse is involved in an emotional affair can feel like the ultimate betrayal, and many spouses view it that way. They view what has happened as deception and they feel betrayed.

The partner involved in the emotional affair usually attempts to downplay and minimize what has happened. She (or he) may rationalize that nothing physical has happened, so there's nothing for the spouse to be upset about. She may accuse the spouse of being jealous and controlling to get him to back off.

But an emotional affair can hasten the demise of a marriage. It drains the attention and focus that could have been put into tackling problems in the marriage and improving the quality of the relationship. Instead, it siphons off the energy that's needed to put new life into a tired, ailing marriage. The spouse ends up forming a close, intimate connection with a "friend" outside the marriage while the marriage suffers from emotional neglect and decreased commitment.

The sad thing is that if the "friends" end up divorcing their respective spouses and getting married, the same patterns that were present in their former marriages will show up once again down the road in the new marriage.

When challenging problems develop again, they will be inclined to repeat their pattern of escaping and avoiding them by bonding with another "friend" for support. Issues that haven't been dealt with in one relationship always resurface again in subsequent relationships. It's only a matter of time until they pop up again.

So what can you do if you or your spouse is involved in an emotional affair? Here are some tips to follow if you are serious about wanting to keep your marriage:

1. Immediately, make your marriage your top priority. Direct your time, energy, focus, and attention on understanding what has happened and coming up with an action plan to improve the emotional intimacy in your marriage.

Cut back on elective activities and carve out time to spend with your spouse. Everything else is secondary if you truly want your marriage to make it.

2. Marriage counseling is a must in order to have a safe place to discuss the emotionally-charged issues surrounding an emotional affair. It helps considerably to have an objective professional who can help guide you and your spouse through the landmines.

You want to get the real issues and accompanying feelings out in the open where they can be addressed. If you try to cover things up and limp along without really looking closely at why the emotional betrayal happened, nothing has been remedied. That's a set-up for having a repeat experience.

3. Both spouses need to make a commitment to ending any secrecy about who they are talking to, how often, what about, etc. There can't be anything hidden if trust is going to be regained and the marital relationship healed.

The same dynamics that are present in a physical affair will be present in an emotional affair, also. The spouse with the "friend" may not have overtly lied to the partner about the emotional dependency but rather just didn't ever mention it, an act of omission. The impact on the relationship is the same.

4. Obviously, contact with the "friend" cannot continue in the same way. Seeing that person and having some interaction may be necessary if both parties work together, and there will certainly be a period of transition involved.

Anything involving a work situation can be awkward and delicate, and co-workers are bound to notice the change in interactions between the person ending the affair and the "friend." There's nothing easy about ending an emotional affair. The painful period just has to be endured. It the situation is unworkable, one or the other may need to change jobs.

5. Consider your counseling options. If your spouse is involved in an emotional affair and won't acknowledge the seriousness of it, make any changes, or agree to go to counseling to discuss it, then you need to begin individual counseling sessions to help you deal with the situation and decide what to do.

Sometimes you have to tread lightly when a partner is caught up in an emotional affair and give things some time and space. In some cases, the current "friend" will eventually pull away and get closer to a new "friend" on the scene. If that happens, your spouse may be more likely to look back at the marriage with more interest.

If not, the moment will probably eventually come when you won't be able to tolerate the situation any longer and may need to consider a separation. Sometimes, this serves as the catalyst to make a spouse reconsider what he or she is doing.

There are many options on the continuum of what to do next, and that's where a counselor can be of valuable assistance.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.